Hi 3rd Bird; I do feel for you, as you may remember me telling you my ex had a sex addiction on top of his drug addiction.
So you say your wife is seeing a man but its not sexual yet. You are taking the word of a sex addict on this.
Bird, the worse lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves. We tell them to ourselves to calm our fears, to keep going, to keep functioning etc.
If sex is one of her addictions and she is seeing a man, it is comparable to finding a syringe on a heroin addict and lying to yourself that she is not using again. This man is her syringe. Why does she need to see a man if she is not sexually involved with him?
Why would an addict need to keep paraphenalia if not using?
take care of yourself, I know you say the meetings aren't helping, but you need to continue and start stepping out of the situation mentally and emotionally and be able to see whats in front of you clearly. We can always see other peoples situations so clear and the solution seems so easy, but when its us and our emotions are involved its a different story.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.