Impurrfect,
thank you for the encouragement and support. i do feel a whole lot better than earlier today. i guess i just needed someone to put the whole thing in the right perspective for me (like Anvil). sticking to the facts instead of elaborating on them for someone else is definitely something i need to do more of.
i don't think that i am quite ready to embrace the complete acceptance, but with time it is going to be more and more clear where are things going (so far nowhere). i think that eventually i will get there, as i have come far from my first posts on SR.
i appreciate your continuos support. hugs and prayers for you. thanks.