Do I surrender or am I surrendered? I think I am surrendered, by God's grace. I do not believe I am so powerful that "I" can bring about my own surrender. Nor do I think: "I" can reduce my own ego, "I" can eliminate my own selfishness and self-centeredness and/or "I" can smash my delusions and rid myself of my old ideas. If "I" could do these things, I wouldn't need a God of my understanding and/or the process of the steps.
I think what happens is that I cease fighting and struggling, I appeal to God for help, I trust that He will help me and I leave the outcome in His hands. My life is none of my business; my recovery is none of my business. My job is to seek Him and to seek to do His will; His job is to change me in whatever way and in whatever time and with whatever priority He desires to have happen.
I love the image of the potter at work, molding and transforming a lump of clay at His wheel. I am that lump of clay. The God of my understanding is the Master Potter. What will He make of the clay? No one knows. It could be a vase, a pitcher, a bowl, a plate, or any number of items, common or unique. He works with expert hands; He knows exactly what He is doing; and whatever He makes will be a work of art.
Susan