Originally Posted by
BnDaNow 
Hope things are better since you started this post back in jan 2011. I hope you have put that bat down on beating yourself up, found a sponsor, hit the steps and breathed the air of freedom.
I joined sr in feb '11. I posted this threading jan '12. Been almost a year since I have faced the fact that I have a drinking problem. I am working on not beating myself up.
@instant: you are right, it waned, because I guess I didn't want it bad enough. I wasn't desperate enough. I couldn't hand over my control to my higher power for long enough.
@caihong thank you for your support. I don't want to feel that miserable ever again either. It's a low place.
I hear the words echo of a fellow aa'er " I walked into these rooms prepared to pick and choose what steps I wanted to do, and ya know where it got me? Right back to drinking again" I thought she was nuts. Now I see exactly where she is coming from. And at one point she looked at me and said I know you, because you are a younger version of me. Again, I thought she was crazy, but now I respect her for that and she has 8 years under her belt, from doing it the right way. I'm going to ask her to be my sponsor. Because really, I need a sponsor who has relapsed, and I need a sponsor who is a type a no bs kind of person. That's my girl. I can't wait to call her!!!!
