Sorry to dampen the positive mood on here at the moment but wanted to be completely honest - without that, was is the point in even posting
I know AVRT is not about counting days but just so you know where I'm at
Hadnt drunk for almost two weeks
My book arrived and was reading section one - was at section two (just starting) at the hair dressers yesterday and full on Beast Attack. They had all these photos of Salon Parties with women drinking wine etc (my drug of choice) and I gave into the Beast - "drink until you've finished the second section of the book... you never really did a proper big plan anyway because you didnt even HAVE the book you just read stuff on the internet and did the free online course to make your big plan.. you were hung over for goodness sake"
And yesterday I did drink - a bottle of wine in fact.. didnt get 'drunk' and was able to stop at the one bottle even though there was heaps more available. Which is also my Beast telling me that I can in fact control it.
Have been reading reading reading and am up to page 132 of the second section. Even Jack points out that for some people perhaps they can drink moderately and before making a Big Plan you need to really decide if you are ready to commit to lifetime abstinence(which my Beast LOVED the idea of) but I know that the structural model of addiction eoes totally apply to me
My Beast LOVES the idea of moderate drinking but as soon as I start I always have more than I intend because the desire for more takes over and my self control diminshes as the neocortex shuts off (because it is being inebriated by the booze)
So a couple of things - which I'd really like to get your opinions on?
I think when I made my original Big Plan I probably hadnt researched the AVRT technique thoroughly enough and making my Big Plan was a knee jerk reaction to my last drinking spree and the consequences OF rather than really studying the structural model of addiction and being ready to do this once and for all. I think in the back of my mind I was holding onto the fact I didnt really need to quit until I'd finished the book.
Having made a Big Plan - albeit most likely prematurely ( hadnt read the book but I did do quite a bit of research subsequently online) and now having drunk.. have I screwed up?? My neocortex tells me no that I can make a decision at any time to be a non drinker .. my consciousness decides and only that part of my brain can physcially do anything...
But my beast tells me Yes I have stuffed up and now no return. Research on here has pointed out that if you continue to drink and use AVRT you weaken it's power
So have I stuffed up to the point of no return?? Did any others of you who have now achieved permanent abstinence want to do it while having some awareness of AVRT, drink again and then when having fully read the book etc 'get it' and it stuck???
Suprisingly, waking up today I didnt feel in total despair like I had when relaspsing in AA. I just thought "well I obviously hadnt really made my big plan (because I had the outclause for when I had finished the book) there is nothing wrong with me, i'm not diseased, I just let my Beast and AV make my mind up that it was OK to drink until I finsished the book.
Any encourgament or advice would be most helpful??