shaun00 step 3
Looking back over the last, say..18/24 months i see how my dependence on god has become non existent....how quickly i picked up the reins again and become all powerful.
I guess for me the book sums it up perfect....always in collision with something or someone...the evidence is stark....same as step one really, Im drawing on my experience of the results of my will running riot through life....Constantly fiddling and adjusting life..for my own gain..regardless of consequences to others...
Ive spent some time over the last two days asking myself this question....Did i take my FIRST step 2/3 completely in the mind?.....or was it at a deep gut level?
If that was the case......then at best my 2/3 last time was fragile because, i cant really make decisions in my mind sanely or how can that decision be trusted KNOWING my thinking is still deluded..?......
I believe that steps 2/3 need to be made on a deep gut level...much like that gut level instinct in step one...i am truly screwed.
This time i offered myself (my will and my life to god)...strange feeling of being kinda scared and relieved all at the same time....gut level?.....i reckon it is...but still find myself bouncing it around in my mind...
I guess i need to ask myself this....do i believe god can run my life...and the answer is a resounding yes...has once, so im sure he will again if i earnestly seek him and ask him to ..take the whole deal cos i make a mighty fine balls-up of it...
experience with that gut level decision would be helpful...or maybe i should just shut up/accept and get out my pad and pen ...