lost78, we understand what you are going through, ugh. I'm so sorry I know that feeling of spinning around and around looking but not finding an answer to fix all this for your loved one. I had to let go of my XAH of 39 yrs of marriage because my mental and physical health were being destroyed by the stress. Please don't let that happen to you. There is life for you and a good one but you need to step aside and let her have the dignity of choosing her own life, maybe not the one you would chose for her but only she can deside to continue or stop on the road she is on.
We're here for you, keep posting and reading around this site and please find an Al-Anon near you, it will help greatly.