Hello Lookinforanswer,
One of the greatest things about suggestions is that you can take them or leave them. There have been some very good suggestions offered in this string. Most of these suggestions seem to be from people who appear to have been down the relationship road when it involves people who have experienced problems with the overindulgence of mood altering substances.
The “AA” big book has several things to offer about relationships not the least of these is the following quote;---
“We subjected each relation to this test-was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them.”
Perhaps those more acquainted with the Big Book than me may know better but I have not found any hard evidence that a person should wait for a year until they get involved with another.
From what you've written it sounds like he is being timid in not pursuing the relationship any faster and most likely for the very reasons that those on this string have previously shared. For the most part since he has been active in the program for at least 9 months then he has by now heard his own share of horror stories and failed relationships to know that the rule of thumb is a year of sobriety before even considering getting in a relationship (that is a rule of thumb that is shared by a large number of those who fully buy into the mantra of most 12 step programs…this is neither bad nor good…just an observation). On the other hand it does still come down to what the person wants for their own lives and all the suggestions in the world will have no effect once a person makes up their mind.
Becoming involved with someone that has already shown to have a predisposition towards excess is risky to say the least. However, it takes all kinds. What I mean by that is simply this: Once having made the decision to fully engage in a relationship with another individual has taken place there are going to be positives and negatives that will surface as time progresses and more opportunities arise.
All people, whether they are "addicts" or not have issues and those issues will have to be dealt with during the course of a person’s time with the other individual. The only question you have to ask yourself is it worth the risk? Does hooking up with this person bring you joy and happiness to the point that all his warts and other undesirables really don't matter?
I do find it extremely insightful of you to be asking questions about "addiction". At a minimum it can give you other peoples take on how they see life with an addict. I suppose I would simply suggest that you read what these others have shared and take what you like and leave the rest.
Since he is in a program of recovery you may want to read “How it works” from the Big Book to get some insight into what it’s all about. Since you support him you may very well have already read those materials from which he draws answers but it would probably be very helpful to read the different opinions shared from the Big Book about how to deal with recovery from the “AA” point of view.
Bottom line…just enjoy each other and love life. Sometimes we can over analyze things. As far as him not taking it very fast it may simply be who he is and how he conducts life. That can be a very good thing…either way I hope you guys have a great time in life and that you truly have more good times than bad.
Peace
Cob