I'm trying to get finances in order and save up some of his money so he will have money to move out if that is what is to be..
NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Does not matter if he has no money and no where to go. Those are CONSEQUENCES of his ACTIONS. I lived the streets for 1 1/2 years because I was not ready to go for treatment, had not hit my bottom. He has his paycheck. Oh paycheck has been spent on drugs, oh well, SEE YA. And change the locks.
Cob, I am sorry but you are in error. There is no way in he11 that she should be 'working with him on his recovery'. Yuck, if one of my loved ones had tried that with me I would have been gone. BECAUSE they had NO CLUE about addiction. The folks who helped me were those that had found recovery before me.
His sobriety is not her responsibility. Her learning how to take care of herself, figure out about herself, learn how to put the codependency on a top shelf for good, that is her responsibility.
Cad, most A's blame their loved ones. It's a manipulation trick to change the subject and get the loved one looking elsewhere.
The following was written by the original owner of this site, himself an addict in recovery:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
Maybe that will help you understand a bit.
Love and hugs,