I've had no childhood trauma... have not lost any close relatives, I have multiple degrees, good health, parents still together, ...
I have no excuse to drink and throw my life away!
...
I think I struggle the most because I am not the "cookie cutter TV Drama" alcoholic. I use that as an out, and an excuse to have wine on weekends, or buy my husband beer, (which I usually finish)... But... Its not working anymore.
Right there with you lady. Multi degrees, great job, wonderful kids, nice house, marriage to a supportive partner etc etc. Only blacked out 2 times in my life, mostly drink at the house.
But things were getting worse. I was drinking more when I went out - was sneaking drinks, drinking when I did not want to etc.
I sometimes think I can just have a drink now and then - I WISH I could just have a drink now and then. BUT I just don't think that's an option for me or anyone who's really passed the line to addicted. I think if I start again I'll get worse. I think I'll go back little by little until I'm back to drinking when I don't want to.
I guess what I'm saying is I hear you and can totally relate - I don't have an horror story to reflect back on. No one telling me or even thinking I have any problem. In fact I have people telling me I don't have a problem - that they've seen me drink and I'm fine - but I know I'm not.
Many near misses - many where I could have made an ass of myself. I have drove while under the influence - I have taken care of my kids alone in the house drunk - I know I have a problem.
Do I "love" life sober. No - can't say I do - My life is still just that my life - with it's troubles, worries, stresses etc. - but I like it more than when I drank.
Good luck and welcome back - it was nice to see you posting again. I can say now coming up on 2 1/2 months sober that - well it's fine.