Having had a couple of relapses myself (this is my third time getting sober in a year), I can relate so well to what you've said. I'm realizing that my alcoholism is never going to "go away," that I will have to be vigilant for the rest of my life to avoid going back to it. It is a cunning, baffling, powerful disease, and it is patient too. It has been scary to me to hear stories of friends in AA who were sober 20+ years and then relapsed. It is always there, and we can't afford to be complacent about it.
I heard someone in AA the other day say that alcohol "has her number" and it can "call anytime." That made a lot of sense to me. I've noticed in early sobriety that I can be chugging along just fine and then out of the blue, I start thinking about a drink. Not that I am desperate to HAVE one, it just pops into my head. As time goes on, it gets less and less, but it's still there. Sobriety is work and it is work that will never stop. But the rewards are worth the work.
It's good that you are having these insights - they will keep you on track. It also helps me to remember, as Michelle said, that alcohol is a progressive disease. It never gets better. I think back to all the horrible things I did/said when I was drunk, and I never want to go back there again. Every time I relapsed, it was worse. If I go back to drinking, I might never recover again. That keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Wishing you all the best.