Originally Posted by
MyBetterWorld 
jillg..in hindsight, do you think you would have wanted to know about your father? where he was? As an ACOA I definitely value what you have to say about it....you were close to the same age that my oldest is now.
My 2nd is 3-she doesn't ask about dad, so I am not as concerned about telling her or not.
My honest to god answer is NO. I am actually glad my mom didn't tell me everything that was going on at that point. I do remember a situation apart from this one when he had been gone a couple of weeks. When I was told what was going on it scared me so much, I was in elementary school at the time. I felt so insecure and unsafe. That is one thing I do remember. Also, of course it was painful because I obviously loved my father. When my dad did get sober my parents involved us in alateen and also some sort of counseling/ meetings with a moderator so to speak. We even went to some AA meetings with my dad, usually when he was taking a chip for his time in sobriety. It helped me to participate in these things because I started to understand the nature of the disease a bit better and I was able to realize I was not the cause of what was going on with him. My dad unfortunately lost his battle with addiction in 2008. It will be 4 years this April that he has been gone. Obviously we cannot hide the fact that our children's parents are addicts and alcoholics. As they age and are better to understand and handle their emotions we can provide a little more information as it is needed or as we as the functioning parent see fit.
My father and I were able to maintain what I like to call a "functioning" relationship until he passed on. I accepted that this was just the burden and or difficulty that he was going to face until the end. When he was doing well that was awesome! We were able to spend more time together and talk often. When he was not doing so well and active in his disease I just understood that that's how it was for the time and that he was powerless over drugs and alcohol. We still had contact during these times but it was much more limited; a few texts or phone calls usually with no physical contact. I really believe if I was given all of the information about my dad too soon in my life I wouldn't have had the relationship I did with him. My sisters knew way too much at such a young age and hated him for it. By the end they were no longer speaking to my dad, and never got a chance to say goodbye so to speak. I cant say for sure if they had only been told a little at a time depending on their age if their relationship or view of him would have been different. But a big part of me things it probably would have, it was for me at least.