Totally Lost On This One
Hi-
Not even sure where to start with this one but I drank AGAIN after racking up about 30 days again. I think I know what it was this time...I stopped going to meetings and became complacent I guess you could say. It wasn't something that caught me off guard, it was a choice and one that I mulled over all day. In a 24 hour period I lost my car, keys, phone (found them all) but I just want to kick myself sometimes. I got through the holidays, very painful and difficult I'll add, and then I just throw it all away? I can already tell I'm back on the cycle again and need to stop it. I woke up today feeling like crap and wanting to get more but I know I just need to suffer for the next few days until I get out of the hangover and can get back on track.
Sorry if I seem so confused, I just don't understand why I keep putting myself through this. I KNOW what's going to happen, so why do I seem to think it's a good idea when it never ends up being a good idea. It's like there's this other person inside that's unmotivated, wants to take the easy way out, and is just all around awful! When I'm not drinking I get so much done, I actually like myself, and I feel like I'm progressing and going places. It feels like I'm dealing with the devil. Ugh, thanks for reading.