Originally Posted by
Corleone 
I've been reading threads about how people go cold turkey and somehow endure it. I really can't begin to fathom how that is even possible. Obviously it is, but right now i'm laying in bed (just starting day 2 of being clean) feeling like complete and utter shite.
I really want to get clean but i can't imagine my life without pills. This might sound crazy but i feel like a better person when i'm high. It puts me in a great mood and makes me feel very energetic. Hell, i actually like going to work when i'm high. When i'm high at home i get a lot of stuff done that i know i wouldn't do if i was sober. When i'm sober i'm always in a bad mood and am non-productive. I'm 21 and know that this is no way to live and i got my whole life in front of me. I don't know what to do.. i'm lost..
I could of written those same words when I was your age.
Obviously it's totally possible to get through withdrawals. It's very much like having the flu along with a lot of anxiety. People have the "flu" all the time.
But what strike me is the way you are half enjoying everything still and half knowing that it's no way to live.
Till one side of that longing wins out, you might stay stuck for years where you are. What's fun now can literally ruin not only your life but others you love later on. Or you can be one of many who die.
Sometimes we have to change everything in live to make a new start. Friends, activities, how and when we clean the house/car, even where we shop....I'm a firm believer in surrounding yourself with people that have similar goals/morals/lifestyles.
my best to you
PS - on my most lazy, unmotivated, painful body days, I'd never want to go back to doing any substances. Everyone has 'bad' days. I didn't really get that when I was 21. :-)