Hi wpainterw. I am just starting out on my journey to recovery and I can already relate to so many of the things you said. I already feel like AA has helped me become more honest with myself and has allowed me to feel like I'm moving forward with my life and taking action, rather than being stuck in the past and escaping my issues. I don't think AA or the higher power concept is an instant cure-all but rather it's a way of living that helps us cope with life without alcohol, and better than we did before. I often wonder how it all works or how it could end up working out but I just having faith. My higher power is my own inner conscience, the new and improved version of me that I know is in there and that is let out more and more as I focus on her as a sober person. (I am new to this and use the group and the connection with all human beings and the world as a whole in my concept of the higher power.) I suppose I pray to "myself" or to "whatever/whoever may be out there." But what better way of life is there than to honestly examine our actions and motivations, to ask ourselves/the group/the universe for guidance and strength? I struggle with "turning my will over" to some unknown force but right now for me it's more about realizing I can't always get instant gratification, that not everything is about me, that I have a purpose in my life and I have to live accordingly. Of course that purpose doesn't include being a miserable, depressed drunk. So right now that is what I think and do and it is working out and I hope it keeps working out for me as it has done for you. I don't think anybody is perfect, nor should we demand or expect perfection from ourselves. We just make an honest effort and be patient and loving with ourselves and that should be good enough. Thank you for sharing, because it helped me.
