Jess, Thank you for sharing this. I have no advice, i am trying to get my own life in order so it would be crazy of me to tell you what i think you should do, but i just wanted to wish you good luck.
It always saddens me to see others that have messed up their lives because some ******* decided to take something so precious and pure and turn it into a chaotic mess. I spent most of my life punishing myself for what i endured in my own Childhood and i believe i overcame the worst of it. It is still there i am sure, in the back of my head contributing to my lack of self control with drugs and alcohol. But it is no longer the big ugly monster it once was. I hope you can work though your secrets and demons, they will eat you alive if you don't let them out
Good Luck, you will make it through this.