P.S. I'd like to add one more thing. I respect myself now. I'm not bragging about it since I certainly didn't do all this alone and I tried to do it alone for more than thirty years and failed miserably. But still I respect myself, don't mind having myself around. I'm sorry for all the stuff that happened in the past, but I'm over the shame. I had an illness and failed to take the necessary steps to do something to get well. And maybe some of those who tried to help me may have been, for one reason or another, ineffective. If I had been in their shoes, knowing what I know today, I would have said, "Get yourself into some kind of a program, whether it's AA or something else, some program where you meet with other alcoholics, seek their help, advice and companionship. If you do that then I'll be at your side to do all I can to help you find long term sobriety. But that's what you have to do before I can help you."
W.