hi all... sounds like we can all relate to this one! whew! and Elaine2 - I am so with you. some days I think I'm getting better and some days I think I've gotten so good at detaching or not letting myself feel things...I never know what is the right or wrong way to feel. But, if it doesn't hurt - then that's better than if it does, right? But some days, he catches me off guard and I just blow up! Plus, I am still new and feel like if I don't defend myself that is just making me open target. But, i'm starting to understand that is not the right way to think. I guess the reason they came up with the cliche "aruging with a drunk" is because, you/me actually are. I remember when I used to tell my friends about weird fights we'd have, I'd often say things like "it's like he's out of control" or "it just didn't make sense"... well, now I know I was right...he is out of control and it doesn't make sense. I wish I would have heard myself then.