Tron

Let me start by saying I am 5'10 .. 150lbs and 19 years old. I was 14 when I was introduced to adderall my doc. I was put on it when I was about 10 and my mom caught my brother and his friends stealing it so my script was cut off. I was in high school and got back on it and took it normally how it's supposed too and I was doing a lot better in school. One of my older friends had come over noticed my bottle and asked if he could have some, I didn't know why until he showed me what it was like when abusing it. I was hooked immediately. The euphoric effect and feeling like nothing could stop me and the world was ready to be overcome. I have never felt so alive and just happy in general. I was dealing with being at a new school and this helped me cope and of course making new friends. I steadily abused my adderall the remainder of the school year taking approx. 40-60mg to get high. Summer hit and I was cut off my script because school was out. Thats when I first started to notice my dependence on the drug, I had feelings of emptiness and if as I had been out in a cell with no lights. I felt alone. I didn't like it. So I went to spend the summer in my hometown with my mother, immediately I started asking my old friends if they got adderall and knew where. Needless to say my first day back I was high. My parents started noticing my behavior change and asked about it and I lied obviously.. After a summer of abuse and no money I convinced my mom to let me move back to my home town knowing I could get it easier. At this point I was a sophomore in hs and taking about 80mg to get high. I excelled in school and only used adderall on school days and my weekends was spent drinking and smoking weed to maintain happiness. During this school year I had started the habit of staying up for days at a time and taking more adderall to stay up. I was averaging 200+mg in a 24hr time span. I followed this trend thru out my sophomore year until summer. That summer is when I hit rock bottom. My friends had started taking adderall with me so finding it was getting harder and my script was cut off for summer again. That summer is when I knew I was playing with fire, I had gone thru minor minor withdrawals and depression at times when I couldnt get high. Then came junior year and my script got bumped up and I was living on my own due to my mood swings and come downs I had fought a lot with my parents. I started taking 120mg to get high (avg) and it became daily. I started staying up for 2-3 days at a time and taking 400+mg during that time. School started and my peers could notice that I was starting to tweak out and come down and they grew concerned about me, but naturally I didn't listen and continued to abuse.thru out my junior year I mixed a lot of adderall with weed alcohol and very little cocaine. But all other drugs were strictly experimental and never went past a few experiences. I started going to raves and listening to dub step music as most teens go thru that electronic phase. I was going to a rave every weekend. Mixing extacy with adderall and alcohol. I would party hard all weekend and crash for a few days missing school and surviving on adderall to get me up. After extacy was introduced my mg in adderall went up to about 160mg to get high.. (keep in mind that was to start the day I would take more thru out day and would get upto 300+mg) that is when I met my current gf Jessica. She was a freshman and wasn't huge into partying yet .. So I slowed my roll and cut down to about 40mg and spent a majority of my time with her. I eventually moved in with her and she became pregnant a few months later... At that point in my life that wasn't the first time I was irresponsible =p ... With the stress of being a junior in hs and having a kid and focusing in graduating I became very dependent of my adderall and began partying hard with my friends. Summer came and I convinced my doctor to keep my script and bump it up again. That summer I averaged (200mg). Senior year came and my son was born. I continued abusing and maintained a balance of crashing at night and smoking weed to avoid irritability. None of my family or gf was quite aware of the abuse and left it how it was.. Senior year passed and I graduated highs school.... Barely.. *I was now free to just work and get high.. At this point in my life I was staying up for upto 4 days at a time and taking my entire script in that time period which was (30 20mgs and 30 30mgs) so 60 pills with an overall mg of 1500mg. *I would clean the house in a meth fashion meaning i would tweak out and basically be going crazy to where people would look at me like a freak :/ .. My family began to notice and my mother in law asked where I was getting the energy and she tried an adderall and I made the mistake of telling her how to get a script now she takes them with me... A year later we are in the same boat, we both get a script plus buy from friends and abuse heavily for upto 5 days at a time.. I am averaging 350+mg to start the day which is outrageously high and in risk of heart failure. I crash hard and everyone hates me when I'm crashing but when I'm high everyone loves me and I'm mr.perfect for cleaning.. I don't take it everyday due to the fact I can't get that much or I would probably be dead by now. My girlfriend became pregnant again and our 2 year old son couldn't be happier. We are great parents except for my addiction which can make some days impossible. The mother is completely clean and everyday grows more tired of my abuse. I realized the military was my only option due to the fact my father has been in since he was 18 and it worked for him and it's something I want. So I began slowing down about a month ago and am working in joining as of 2 days ago I quit cold turkey and already slipped. So after four years of abuse my body has taken a toll... Day one, I could not physically get out of bed. I was exhausted to the point where signing up for this site took all day. I was desperately miserable and threw up from anxiety about getting more. But I need to do this for my children and my future. So here I am looking for support and people to help make sure that I stay focused on what's important for my family. I would give the world for them and if that means no adderall then so be it. I realize I'm human and I will make mistakes but god d*** it I will become sober and function. As of this coming Tuesday I will be eligible to join the military. I passed the **** test by staying sober for a weekend a few weeks ago. I am looking at getting shipped to basic training next month so I am becoming sober and staying strong. The military will help discipline me and I jnow I don't need this drug. I appreciate everyone's support and I will always return the shoulder if ANY of you guys need it.