Sober Second Thoughts
I was full of hubris after my first 30 days, but now around Day 40, I'm beginning to realize that I still have the same problems that impelled me to drink.
I'm not going to go back to medicating myself with alcohol. Instead, I'm going to try to heal myself so that I can function without needing to numb myself. I may be aiming high.
But to go on with, I'm reminding myself of traditional AA wisdom - First Things First, Easy Does It, and so on (I've always been too shy to attend AA meetings but I've been around AAers enough to pick up some of its wisdom) - reminding myself of my Rational Recovery Big Plan (I'm never drinking again, and I'm never going to change my mind) and getting counseling to try to heal the parts of myself that find it painful to live sober.
I'm a little frightened, but also excited at the prospect of a life informed by something other than pain, and fear. And I can't think of anything more worthwhile to attempt to achieve.