There's an old adage: God does not make too hard terms for those who seek Him.
I found that to be true and so have all the people I know in the AA program. I'll make you the same promise I give to my sponsees - if you can keep an open mind and honestly do some searching (for a God of YOUR understanding), He will make Himself progressively more clear to you.
.....in actuality, what I think happens is that we, over time, begin to rip down some of the walls we have erected around ourselves. It's these walls that block our experience with our HP. As the walls come down though, we're able to feel God. It hasn't been that God wasn't there.........it's that I didn't allow him in.
****Heh, love it when this happens........ check out the 24 Hour Book reading that's posted for today (Jan 10th) in the 12Step forum. It speaks to what you're talking about and doing.
LOL, even better......the Daily Reflections reading does too!