Originally Posted by desertsong

I doubt anyone is annoyed with you - we have all been there in one form or another. We all had to reach a terrible place before we could realize and accept that alcohol/drugs had taken over our lives, made them unmanageable, and that we were powerless. The question is ... do you WANT to be sober? Are you perhaps hoping that you will push it so far that people will find out and force you to get help so you don't have to make the decision on your own? Did you look into a recovery program?

I drank to blackouts every night and every night did something either stupid, self-injurious, or abusive to my family. Each time I started to drink, I knew it would end up badly but I did it anyway. That's the insanity of addiction .... knowing that what you're doing is only going to get you into trouble but doing it anyway.

Once you decide that you want to NOT use more than you want TO use, you will be on your way. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get the help you need.