Yes...the support here is not found anywhere else. No one else understands what you are going through and in "real life", people are surprised at how "not sad" I am. Yeah, it hurts, but that's addiction.
When I stayed with my husband, I stayed with the reality that he could relapse and relapse he did. That is the reality you choose when you choose to remain with an addict. In recovery or not, the possibility is always there. It's always in the back of you rmind and to be honest, I could never let me self fully relax around him when it came to addictions.
Keeping codependency in check is a full time job, even when things are good. Sometimes I would find myself staring at his pupils a little too hard or TRYING to trip him up. I'm just tired of that and I don't want to do it anymore.
Scared----I didn't take this step for a very long time. I left him once for a couple months and that is when he got into recovery the first time. He still has a sponsor and all and is starting the 12 steps over again but I just don't have it in ME to do it one more time.
I want to be happy and feel secure and stable.