Hello and so sorry for your loss! I remember in early sobriety tears streaming down my face while cleaning up the dinner dishes cause I wanted my evening vodka. For me it was the only thing I knew would temporarily numb me. The only reliable thing in my life....I thought!! Things got so out of controll and ugly and Im on the uphill climb back to a responsible human being. Im sober today and everything I thought alcohol was is a straight out lie! Your not selfish at all for changing your life this is the normal process of sobriety and hold on a second...your doing it!!!