Thanks for the thoughts and the advice. I have mentioned to others that this is a good place to vent and post. No one knows my user name though and honestly I don't think the few people were all that interested. But thank you for the reminder.
I am going to AA meetings. At least one a day. I have a sponsor in mind but she left early yesterday so I couldn't talk to her. I hope to see her at the noon meeting today. But......
I have a new problem. I moved here with another girl from the rehab and she's just playing a game to get back in favor with her father. I see that now. She offered me pills (percocet and klonopin) last night and actually was stoned in the house. I did not take the pills and told her I couldn't because I was addicted to them. I played along that I was cool with it but warned her about random UAs. No one here has ever gotten a UA from the "house mother" Veronica. So.....this morning I spoke with the house manager, Cassidy. I said I was feeling anxious and I said that Veronica should really test the house or just me specifically from time to time to keep me accountable. She asked if someone was using and I kept hesitating and then I said, possibly. She asked if the person was upstairs or downstairs and I said downstairs. She guessed the person's name and I fell silent and then said, I can't say.....
Anyway, I know she is going to Veronica with this issue and that we will be tested today. I'm extremely worried on how this will be handled. I feel sick and anxious about the whole thing. I don't know if I did something wrong or right. I feel so guilty right now. Like I'm stirring up trouble. I am so lost. I am so lost.
I also know for a fact this sick person would turn around and accuse me of using and make up anything to save their own butt since she already made up a rumor about me before. Not that I was using. I guess that's the reason I've been keeping her close to me. How messed up is that? Now things are out of control. I feel so out of control and scared. Now I'm rambling.......
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent I guess.
