After two years of being separated from RAH I am at a point where I have enough clarity to realize I have choices. Alanon helps me with tools to be able to make and live with my choices.
I didn't want to divorce two years ago and I still don't want to divorce but I do know that I will not live with an active alcoholic or an alcoholic that is not managing his disease.
Are RAH and I clear and together on this? - sometimes - one day at a time.
My life has changed so much from two years ago and although unlike your situation we are fortunate that my AH who is also a workaholic provides financially, I will never again let myself be financially dependent on him.
My RAH can seem like a 4th child with some of the issues he has. I also know I will not be the parent to my RAH and I have issues that sometimes lead me to treat him like a child.
I am working on my own issues and that is enough for me right now.
This is my experience and what other posters have said on this thread are words I heard during my journey that have helped. Particularly what Pelican said about asking myself if I need to make a decision right now.
Also, the comments about control. The Serenity Prayer, which my interpretation and understanding has evolved over these years, has been a tremendous help.
Hugs and support for you. You are not alone. May you use your strengths and find courage to make YOUR life a peaceful, happy one.