I detest the mind chatter!
I am asking for tools. It has been 6 months since my AXBF broke up with me when I asked him to stop drinking. At first he said he would get help and he didn't want to lose me but he did a 360 and told me he put me through enough and we should part ways. We were together for 5 yrs. ( we didn't live together)
At first I was relieved and went about my life. I am working with a sponsor in Al Anon and go to 2 AL ANON meetings a week and one open AA meeting. I do service at the meetings. I have begun working on the STEPS. I realize that although my XABF was the first A I was involved with, all my relationships for the most part were Co Dependent. My sponsor asked me to take a yr. off from dating so I can work on myself. This is very hard for me. I haven't gone this long without dating ( usually online dating). The dating helps me to move on and NOT obsess so much about my EX's.
I find myself obssessing about my EXABF. He has moved on and is "IN LOVE" with someone else. I feel so disposed of and unloveable. When I met him he was in a very early stage of Alcoholism ( I am reading "Under the Influence") but as time went on he seemed to be advancing into the second stage. He was getting edgier, touchier and I could tell he was drinking more. He would obviously be drunk on a work night when I talked to him on the phone. He lived about an 1 and 1/2 away. He has an amazing job, no kids, restoring a beautiful old home, etc. etc. and managed to make it to work everyday.
Somebody told me on this site that my ExABF was living rent free in my head. I agree but I can't seem to get him out of my head. I keep remembering all the good things. He was never abusive with me, and treated me like gold. His drinking was beginning to affect him and I simply wanted him to curb it. It's hard to wrap my brain around the fact that the relationship ended so abruptly when i confronted him...
...and dating would help me but I am determined to follow my sponsors suggestions. Ugh!!! I am so saddened about the loss and often wish I never said anything about his drinking.