Originally Posted by
dvm2015 
Everyone in my life (friends and family) also tells me I deserve better than the guys I chose to be date or the few I have fallen in love with but I don't know how to even find better or anything. Its just who I am attracted to. so yeah I do have to work on fixing that but I am too lost to even know where to begin. Everything is just a mess and I need to focus on not lettin this destroy school which takes up 99% of my life.
but my self esteem is really low and Im not happy with life outside of vet school. I have been focusing everything I have on school for the past 6 years kinda like how RAs can become so wrapped up in work and only focus on that. I dont really know what else to do. Nothing seems to be helping, and losing the only happiness and person who understands me is really only setting me back.
I can very much relate to what you posted here.
For me (only me) I struggled with codependency before I loved someone with an addiction problem (as far as I know). Codependency is "my" drug of choice, "helping," "caring for," etc. In the end it made me more nuts in terms of behaviors than the loved one in my life who was using a substance. For me this was because I did not feel good enough about myself. I had the idea that "doing" for others would make myself feel better about my own "being."
It has made me mad, sad, depressed etc, especially in the moment. In the long term though this experience has taught me so much about myself. I am worth it, because if I don't have myself what do I have?
It is similar to a financial decision...I have to put something into myself to get a return. For me that was counseling, Al-anon, after some time Open AA meetings to learn about the disease, A LOT of reading, opening up to friends and families of my struggles etc. The kicker was I had to do that for me regardless of what my loved one was doing. I had spent a long time investing in him with and without returns. I have found investing in myself much more lucrative.
Sometimes it takes awhile to find the path (and sometimes the path changes once it is found).