Originally Posted by
dvm2015 
Ok I get that if an alcoholic is actively drinking they cannot maintain any healthy relationships because they are not healthy themselves. But if an alcoholic is actively in recovery are they capable of maintaining healthy relationships or marriages with someone? I am just asking in a general way. Ive heard the horror stories and I am just curious if it is even capable for RA to ever get to this point in their lives where they can maintain healthy relationships with significant others? or If its a yo-yo of up and downs forever.
Of course people who were once addicted to alcohol can recover and maintain healthy relationships and marriages. I certainly have (I've been contentedly abstinent for 13 years and have a very strong, happy marriage) and know many others who have done so as well.
Not all of these people are in 12 step programs, by the way. Some are in other programs, some did go to 12 step programs and have left, and some never did ANY program but simply used a combination of therapy, family support and in some instances support from their church community.
The things you have been told by people who claim that alcoholics never get better or are permanently incapable of having good relationships may well be based on the experiences of those people, but keep in mind that a person who only goes to a 12 step program will only see what is there to be seen. They will not see the people who did it a different way, and they assume everyone who left is out there drinking. This is not so.