The Mental Blank Spot is a very curious thing. I think of Jim the car salesman in the Big Book (More About Alcoholism, pg 36). He is described this way: "Everybody likes him. He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition." (pg35) He claims nothing was wrong before he drank, but look at his thinking beforehand in the below quote. Might he not have had a subtle resentment brewing that he was no longer the boss? Did he not have a motive to make some money by finding a new client at the bar? Jim drank again because he had no mental defense (God and the 12 steps). Inaccurate thinking always comes before the first drink, whether we are aware of it or not. Our defense must come from a Higher Power.
"'I came to work on Tuesday morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the brass, but nothing serious. Then I decided to drive to the country and see one of my prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk."
"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sense I was not being any too smart, but I reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another.'
Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him."