GoodVsEvil

Hey, I'm new here and I want to make a very long story, fairly short. I met my boyfriend 7 years ago and were "close friends" you could say until 3 years ago when we started really dating. And when we started dating, unfortunately, he also started doing Oxycontin, all around the same time. I didnt know what it was all that much back then but i knew it wasn't good if it continued. I tried telling him not to do it cause he could get addicted easily and now 3 years later, after many failed attempts to get clean, many relapses and many many pills later, here I am looking for a word of encouragement. He got clean, got back into the gym, started looking/feeling good again and went back, and that happened about 4 times so far, always self-detoxing at home and taking suboxone. Never lasted more than 2 months, the amount of drugs he needed increased. Went from a few oxy80s to a lot of roxy30s to roxys & cocaine together and this past time turned into heroin & cocaine together, snorting all of it. He calls it "speedballing". Now, I have seen it all. I know I am a big enabler of this because I never left him and always stuck by his side with a safety net whether he was using or quitting. I have seen it all, nodding out, falling asleep anywhere he is, the night terrors, the "demons", the hallucinations from being awake for days straight, the withdrawals, the sweating, the snorting, the stealing, the lying, the cheating. We lived together so I saw it all first hand for the past year and I recently moved back home. But Im still by his side. Today he took a new road to sobriety and went into a detox center and is going to rehab after. Do I believe this will work this time? Not exactly, but I will stand by him because I do love him and care about him as a person and since I know he never wanted to become this person (he never thought he would) I have faith in him and Im always supporting him. But Im getting sick of saying this time is different, this time this time ..my family nor his family doesn't want to hear it anymore and Im sick of defending him. He's never hurt me physically, hes never stole from me (from what I know, I check a lot) Im not the enemy in this and he doesn't treat me like it, he deffinately shows me he needs me, but Im so sick of being second to drugs. But I can't leave him. Mind you I haven't touched anything in my life and that's God's honest truth. So that's where I get GoodVsEvil ..Me Vs. His disease.

What I need to know is... do I stick by his side since he says he needs me or do I move on and let him be on his own with it? I know all I do is rationalize everything, its my defense mechanism, but who looks foolish here? Im honestly happy being there for him and helping when I can with what I can. Am I just blind or am I really sticking by someone truly? Please give me some advice, I need to hear it from complete strangers who knows my position, not family or friends.