Zorilla, I don't live with mine, but he recently returned to drinking after seven months clean. Last week I went over there, he was drunk, and he offered me the very pills that were my undoing and I nearly killed myself on (purposeful suicide attempt) several months ago.
People who use...like to feel justified in using, like to have their buddies use too, like to say "it's no big deal, have a few"
I was hurt, shocked, but mostly sad because I can't be with someone who consistently chooses drugs and booze over a relationship. He says he supports my recovery...ahem?
He says he is going to quit again...someday.
I told him I'm not waiting. I'll spend time with him sober, but I want a relationship. I want someone who wants to be with me...sober, today. Not someone who hypothetically wants to be with me, someday, when booze has entirely f'd up his life again.
It hurts. It just hurts so bad, and I think...why do I have to give up ONE MORE THING? I lost my marriage, home etc due to using, and now...I'm losing my boyfriend to sobriety? Is there something wrong with this picture?
YES. I am not losing my bf to sobriety, I am losing him to using. This time to HIS using. Using is the big thief. No, that's not right. Using is more like a debtor. We mortgage our lives for a fix NOW. Then down the line find out the interest has built up, the debt has come due and we begin to have everything of value taken away from us.
I'm alone tonight. Friday night, hanging out here. He said he's just going to stay home and "relax" tonight, said his tummy hurt. I know this is code for "I'm jonsing for a drink, and it'll tick you off, so I'm going to stay home and get loaded alone."