I understand how frustrating it is to try to find a medication that works.
My therapist told me something that resonated with me. When I met my ABF, he likely was an alcoholic. I would have never guessed this at the time. He is very well educated, was very successful, seemingly had his life together in every regard, very active...ran a sub-3 hour race in the Boston marathon. This is not the kind of person I would suspect being an alcoholic. Maybe this is where my craziness began - I kept thinking it was just me...I'm making too big of a deal over his drinking. Besides, an alcoholic wouldn't be able to run a sub-3 hour marathon! The disconnect between what I was seeing him accomplish and do in his functioning phase of his disease is probably what kept the denial a mainstay for so long in our relationship. Anyway...my therapist told me that when we met, he was giving me all of his best. He likely really WANTED to have the happy, loving, "normal" relationship that I thought we were having, but he just wasn't genuinely able to participate for very long. He was able to act the part for about 6 months before he could no longer hide the disease he was secretly dealing with. He tried his best. It sounds like your BF wants to have something special with you but he simply is not able to right now. You mentioned that he slipped because he was spending too much time with you. Please tell me you aren't blaming yourself for that. Finding a balance in early recovery is very difficult. My RABF told me that he needed to simplify his life as much as possible, and while our relationship wasn't a major stressor, he felt that he really just needed to set it aside for the timebeing. And just like that, he was gone from my life.
Yes, I attend Al-Anon even though he isn't talking to me. At first, I must admit, I went to Al-Anon in hopes that it would show him that I'm serious about recovery too, that I'm dedicated to a life in recovery and that I might be a "safe" person to have a relationship with in the future, someone who has been through hell and back with him and has a deeper understanding of this disease than someone not familiar with it. After some weeks, I began making Al-Anon my own. To answer the 12-step question, Al-Anon has their own 12-steps, adopted from the 12-steps of AA. They're just applied in our own way. While everyone in Al-Anon has a different story, I can always identify part of my story, or part of my journey in someone else's share. I soon realized that we've all been affected in similar ways. Living with my ABF's alcoholism isolated me greatly. Steping into Al-Anon allowed me to feel like I'm truly not alone. There are some stepwork links under the family and friends forum that can help explain the process if you are interested. I work the steps to identify what I need to work on, so that I can grow as a person regardless of whether my A and I have a future. I'm working step 4 and what I've learned about myself has been life changing. All of my relationships have improved - professional relationships, friendships, relationship with family members, and probably most importantly, the relationship with myself.
There are so many great posts on here, and the stickies contain so much great information. Keep posting and reading. You are definitely not alone.