Originally Posted by
Thumper 
:ditto:
His life is a mess right now. If he wants to get it in order he has to focus on that and not a relationship. I'm sorry I know that is hard for you. Alcoholism is forever. It is a really really big deal and recovery from alcoholism is a long range intensive thing. His conflicting messages aren't a reflection of you. They are a reflection of the war in his head. The voice of addiction is speaking very loudly to him and if he is going to maintain his recovery he is going to have to work very very hard. There isn't room for anything else right now. Only his sponsor and recovery program can help him with that.
Also, none of us go back to the way we were. Life experiences change who we are - and that is how it should be. Keep moving forward in your life. Make your life the best it can be based on the choices you make each day. Watch out for your own best interests. You are responsible for that.
He has let you go, and as painful as that is right now it was a good thing for him to do because he is falling apart at the seams. The goal for all of us is not to look back over our shoulder, but to look forward. Thoughts going out to you during this painful time.
I dont know how sponsors and AA programs work. I don't mean this to be selfish because I know he needs to work on himself and his sobriety which is and always should be number one in his life. I just have a hard time coming to terms with the fact he shut me out like I was nothing when I supported him and helped him when no one else did AND we were both head over heels in love until he slipped and became depressed. We were best friends and the only people who understood each other. I know for now he cannot focus on anything but himself and I accept and understand that because i want him to succeed in his recovery... but if the goal of recovery is to look forward and not back, then even if I was a positive influence on him and he shut me out, then they will tell him and help him to just forget about me because "im the past"??? He already told me his sponsor told him not to get back with me and told him to break up with me. I did nothing but help him and now it seems like everyone is tellin him to move on and forget me and everything we had forever. But then again... I dont know what he thinks or feels anymore and he cant tell me because he is too messed up so i dont know if i should keep the door open for any possibility. (if theres even any hope that he finds himself again- his parents told me this summer that they havent seen him like that in years so i know that was the real him) I am just so confused. I guess because i dont know what to expect. i cant stand losing him. Im losing myself over him and its so depressing.