I agree DG - you're not a loser. You're just right where all of us have been at some time.
I wanted to quit for 15 years - but I still drank.
Part of that was stubborness - I didn't want to change my life, I just wanted to control my drinking...part of it was fear (who would I be sober/what would my life be like?) and part of it was I had no coping skills for anything, besides reaching for a bottle.
When trouble came - and it always did - I responded in my usual way.
I don't know the ins and outs of what you've been doing to stay sober, but if we drink again, I think it's a clear sign that we need to add more 'stuff' to our recovery programme.
what else can you do DG?
D