yet again...
Well, I didn't even make it 24 hours. I really wish I could understand what's wrong with me. I drank. (Not minimalizing) not so much that i'm blasted but enough. Even one drink is enough to **** me off. I really deserve more. I feel like i'm punishing myself but I don't know why. In group settings i'm a font of helpful advice and insightful information but I never focus it inwards. I think I hold some amount of disdain for myself. It may be due to the stress of coming back to Wisconsin (my eye tick came back even before drinking). I go to my therapist tomorrow and plan on speaking with her about all this crud. I'm sorry. I feel like i've failed the community and everyone i've tried to help. Posting here right now is hard. I feel like such a failure. Am I only ok when i'm in a controlled environment? I hate having my freedom taken from me but I think I want my husband to take my money and my debit card away again. I don't want him to be my keeper but i'm afraid I need his help. I'm so scared. He loves me but how much more can he take? I feel like such a loser...