I certainly don't have advice beyond going to alanon, counselling for yourself etc that was already stated. Just want to say I'm glad you shared, it helps me to know other people are in the same boat with their A who just 'doesn't get it' and they have their stomach tied up in knots. I'm so tired of feeling that way and I've found personally that I cannot be living in the same house with my AH as it's so unhealthy for my psyche. If I listen to him too long - I start to believe the insane things he says! I can sympathize with how difficult it is with properties/business all mingled together. We don't have nearly that much to sort through and it's overwhelming, so congrats to you for doing what you can for your own sanity!