Thank-you All for the wonderful welcome, it has made my day a little brighter.
I have tried numerous times to get sober, the longest was 2 months of sobriety, not even sure then what threw me off track.
My biggest challenge I beleive is social interaction while sober. I am painfully and awkwardly shy. When I discovered about 5 years ago that alcohol helped so much with that, I wondered how I ever lived without it.
My most cringeworthy moments in my life were when I was sober. I can't talk or walk properly when around people and if somebody so much as looks at me, I turn red, and I can feel it, making it even worse. I've been on medication for it, but it never helped. Alcohol took it all away. Drunk or buzzed I am talkative, fun, relaxed, and likeable, ..sober I'm a freak.
Anyway, I'm getting sober so I can live a healthier life. Hangovers are the worst they've ever been and my depression is at an all-time high. I never feel well, and I've gained weight. I don't know how I'll deal with the social anxiety but I need a more permanent and healthy solution. Thanks again for the welcome.