Five years ago I was a full-blown crackhead, "working" on the streets, running from the cops, and couldn't imagine life any different.
Today, I'm back in school and doing well. Life isn't perfect but it's way better than the one I had. I thought crack was my friend, it was my crutch - I could blame all the bad stuff on it. I could avoid reality with it. Problem was, reality hit whether I liked it or not. My first dose of it was jail.
Early recovery was tough - I was broke (still am), had a gazillion consequences from my using days, and I couldn't seem to see the light of day. I kept working at it, though, and my attitude totally turned around. Not worrying about, or being ashamed of what I do when I get high is a gift in itself, and helps a lot with the anxiety.
You really aren't alone, there are a lot of us here to support you.
Hugs and prayers
Amy