Over the past few days I've been thinking back, not only over the last year, but the last few years...and thinking too of the pivotal role SR's played in my life and lives of many many others.
I remember how I was when I first came here - I was beaten, trembling, ill, my head felt weird, I was genuinely wondering if I was going to die...coming to SR was the act of a drowning man reaching for a life preserver.
The love and understanding I received here was a revelation. I found, to my surprise, I was not alone.
I finally had people who understood.
People who knew what it was like - people who cared about me and what I was doing - and people who cared enough to tell me when they felt I was going wrong or veering away... but who always did it with love, care and who always allowed me to keep my dignity.
I always felt I was being drawn inwards, never pushed away.
5 years on, it's been a long journey, a marvellous one - but I'm still learning too...
I've been frustrated when people didn't 'get it' or when my point was missed.
I've been fearful when people I've come to see as friends return to the darkness, and I've felt powerless when I see them flounder and sink.
I've been angry.
I've caught myself sharing multiple times, again and again and again, trying desperately to somehow affect things for the good.
I've wanted to save them.
Now, I'm a nice guy - but I'm just not that powerful.
Over time, I've learned what my job really is...
It's to share my experience.
Sometimes it helps, sometimes not - sometimes maybe it helps someone else entirely...but it's all I can do....it's not my job to save anyone.
Everyone has their own journey to walk - if I walk it for them, it changes nothing and all it does is make me tired.
My words can't change people...but sometimes, perhaps, our shared experiences help and compassion may help someone that little further forward in their journey towards clarity and understanding - so, for my part, I better make darn sure the words I choose are good ones.
let's all of us make our words count in 2012.
I'm not much for resolutions but that sounds like a good one
Happy New Year to everyone
D