"I also refuse to throw out alcohol because it's expensive" (quote)
You are no way near any kind of recovery . You are are just an ordinary drunk, like the rest of us.
The disease will take you downhill to the gutter and beyond.
You have no motivation to get or seek help.
You will hit rock bottom( for you ) and then you will be "screeching for help"
This is a disease that will destory us, if untreated.
Fortunately, treatment is available, but you had BETTER THROW the "expensive"
alcohol down the sink - cause your life depends on it !!