It feels better to have blocked him from my phone and FB.
My kids are still on break, and it has honestly been really great to hang out with them and just not be doing a whole lot of anything.
I just am so shocked at how far off my recovery I got. That I ahve so much resentment and anger and bitterness stored up inside me now.
It really feels like a cancer inside me, aging me and eating me alive.
I feel closer to a decision about the next right thing. I don't know what it is yet, but it feels closer.
I did lots of reading yesterday in the courage to change about decisions, and those were the same readings that i dog-eared before I came out here to AK. So it is nice to revisit the frame of mind that got me here and remember that the answer is already inside me, I just have to be willing to accept whatever answer HP has for me, whether I like it or not. I am still not so certain that I am willing to give up my personal freedom and go live with my parents. That help comes with a hefty price tag. I am not ready to face all those demons, and really, I would be going there in the false assumption that they will be able to solve all my problems.
I have to remember that I live in a state of total abundance. That all my needs WILL be met. This is the greatest gift I can give myself right now. Sitting still for a little while doesn't make me lazy, it helps me make a good decision. I have been working hard for 6 months, been in a demanding relationship, dealing with child-related stesses... I can take a couple of weeks off.