Reflecting
I've been thinking and reflecting a lot about the time between when my addict boyfriend (now ex) got released from jail to now...along with the new year approaching.
When my boyfriend of 5 years went to jail in the middle of this year, I didn't know what to think. He had been busted at the beginning of this year for marijuana and DUI, later being busted again for marijuana.
Coincidentally, the day before he was arrested the second time, I poured my heart out telling him that I fear for his life and getting busted again. Like a true addict he told me not to worry so much and that nothing bad will happen. I had a bad feeling the entire next day, my stomach all in knots and not knowing where he was.
When his parents called and gave me the news, my heart sunk. The entire time he was in jail I didn't know what to say to him and I knew that visiting him wouldn't have done anything good for me or him. My mother helped his parents as best as she could with getting them numbers for therapists and treatment centers. Once he was out, everything with him and us as a couple was fine for awhile.
Thinking about it now...I wish I should have made the decision to not be with him once he was released. I should have known that based on all the lies he had told me that nothing was going to change. Sometimes I wish I didn't find out that he'd relapsed and lied to me about it. Could I have saved myself from all of the heartache? I know it happened but could I have?
I've learned from my mom and this forum that there is nothing more that I can do for him...and that's true. Ending our 5 year relationship was hard but I knew it was the right thing to do. Knowing our break up wasn't brutal and knowing that we still care for each other makes me feel ok, and I know I have to move forward. Though it was a rocky start everyday is getting better. Focusing on myself and getting ready to go back to school has been great.
Maybe he'll get help, maybe he won't. But I hope and pray he'll choose to get help in 2012 and stay sober. That goes for everyone on this forum, I hope and pray that the addict in your lives will choose to get sober. I'm so happy that I found this forum and for the advice I've received. Happy New Year and may it be a good year for you.