((((Lisa))))
Thanks for sharing, Lisa! I can SOOOO relate! I'm 44 and have been faking my way through my life and my once-promising career. My alcoholism has made me go from energetic and bright to apathetic and dull. I can have a conversation with someone while sober (do we ever really sober up when we're drinking every day, or in my case every night?), and remember nothing about it. My blackouts started earlier and earlier - sometimes after only two glasses of wine - and then I would drink tons more, binge eat, talk to people, send emails, and do horrifyingly shameful things. I learned to turn off my phone after the first glass and plan ways to avoid others. I wouldn't get on email or FB, etc. I would plan all week for the two nights that my kids would be at their dads so that I could drink as much as I wanted. I adapted my entire life around my drinking so that I could "hide" it. I became my dad.
No more. I'm so tired of it and I don't want to do it again. I just pray that I haven't damaged my kids beyond repair. How tragically selfish of me...
It's Day 2 for me. Cried walking through the grocery tonight when I saw the piles of beer. How pathetic is that?