Brand New Here
Hi, I am brand new here and have been reading through so many posts that are so inspiring and helpful. After almost 7 years of dealing with my addict BF, I had to ask him to leave the home we share. Initially, we still had contact, although definitely not healthy communication all the time...I am sick, too. I did not wish to completely discard him from my life. All of the sudden he decided that he could not work the program and focus on me so he decided to take a break in the relationship. Well, come to find out that in a few weeks time he is already talking to another female in the program, yet all the while calling me every day and leading me to believe that if we both work a program that we had a long future together. What a slap in the face. He still insists he "loves" me and all the other nonsense. I am hurt, angry, beaten down, confused and all that other good stuff a codependent would be "after all I've been through". Ugh. I have cut off communication with him, I blocked him from being able to call or text me, but I cannot stop him from calling my work, which he has done twice today. What is he still trying to hang onto?? I hear how he is working the program, he is an independent man, how I am the one who beat him down for the last few years...all this finger pointing and the blame game. Yet he calls me today at work and says to let him move back home today so we can work on it, that he is reaching out one last time to me. I hung up the phone. Really? After how horrible you told me I am and also that you cannot say that you don't have an interest in this woman from the program ?? I guess my point, is I have found that what they say and what they are actually doing are 2 different things. I have started Al Anon and have been working out of the Melody Beattie books. I am enjoying spending time with my friends and family, who have been very supportive. I just want to keep at it and stop feeling responsible and putting my destiny in my ex's hands. I want to stop focusing on what he may or may not be doing. I know the focus needs to be on me and healing. I need to get well myself and that is that. Thanks for letting me share.
Suzanne