I have not experienced these things with my RAH - he was not abusive, never stole, he did lie - though for the most part he let me know exactly what he was up to and I just accepted/enabled it (dumb me), and was in general a "happy", annoying obnoxious drunk...not enjoyable trust me...annoying. However sober (and actively working a program so in real recovery) he is pleasant to be around...is he still sometimes overly exhuberent (sp)? YES...that is who he is, the difference is now without the booze it's not on level 2000 anymore and is more of a normal personality trait. Does he still have his moments? Yes but they are more at a normal level now. Do I worry this won't last forever? No...nothing in life lasts forever so I'll take it for what it is right now. (Oh and he has a lot of past family issues I know he's working on in his recovery, I leave that up to him for the most part but I have seen him feeling sad or angry as he works through this stuff which I also think is normal...? He does it on his own and I don't ask unless he wants to talk or volunteers the information)....It's confusing for me because my RAH doesn't fit the traits I see on the board.
Thank you for posting this.
There's a saying: if you take alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you still have a horse thief. There recovering alcoholics who have good values, are basically honest and trustworthy and were a version of this while active. Someone who shows nothing but contempt for others will probably be like that sober. People can change but they have to WANT to change then do a great deal of work. It also has to do with the dynamics of the couple. Each person is different.