I also have MAJOR issues with believing that I am really going to "save" him. I walk a fine line here, folks, I think this may be crappy codependent, bad recovery territory...
Maybe others can relate to this: He has never loved anyone, which tells me he has never loved himself.
I loved others, but am only just learning to love myself. So the whole loving myself thing is very new. And those people that I "loved"? Well, I haven't formed much of an opinion on that yet, except that it wasn't the love that my HP is helping me learn for myself.
I truly believe that he and I both gain knowledge and self-love by this whole relationship thing we have been going through. AND I keep thinking (thinking bad, grasshopper!), that in loving him unconditionally the same way I am learning to love myself unconditionally, I really learn what all that means. It means I can express myself honestly and respectfully without worrying about outcomes. I have done no contact, and have been ready to walk away from him, but I just haven't been done with him and the relationship. I don't know if he will ever "get" it that I just love him as he is, and in the end it doesn't really matter because I am going to take care of myself and my kids and my doggie first and foremost. We have been through all this and I am totally good with him being around when he is good and having alone time when he ain't but I just want him to come back to me. I like my alone time, too, ya know. But oh, that saving thing. I am really just admitting that to myself...