All of you are correct in that there is no quick fix and the flight theory has now replaced the fight in me. I have wanted to run away from this for a very long time. Therefore, to approach this with a plan:
I will be seeking my own therapist today.
I have an appointment for a legal consult next week.
I wear the Serenity Prayer on my wrist every day.
I have begun walking my dogs further every day and will continue to do so.
I will respect myself more.
I will strive for mind, body & soul health.
I will aim for calm, rational approaches in all dealings with my AH.
I will live every day with a goal in mind regardless how small that goal may be.
I will not place blame on anyone nor will I continue to allow blame to be placed on me.
I will take back control and responsibility for myself and my actions.
I will believe in myself before I can expect others to believe in me.
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and prayers. Wish me luck!