I left despite the fear and the guilt. I was stuck because I thought when the time was right, if the decision was right, I would not feel the fear or guilt. That was not true for me. I had to walk through those feelings.
I had hit a bottom. I felt that my sanity and ability to parent depended on. I wasn't even sure that was enough but I knew I had to do something to get out of the situation I was in.
If you can see a counselor that specializes in addictions you would be giving yourself a gift. I think my departure would have been much easier had I done that first. I also used SR to great advantage.
Just do the next right thing. You don't have to have the entire plan set in stone and all mapped out. Have a goal and the next two or three steps identified to reaching that goal. Be determined. Keep crossing off the small things and add another and you will reach your goal.