I can't believe this yet. I know I cannot control my brother or family members.
We CAN affect chenge in others by changing ourselves. When a dynamic exists, one person changing CAN change the dynamic. It may not change in the way you intend it to or want it to, but it does affect change in others when we change ourselves.
I say "hide your jewelry", I'm the ass. I say "don't send money", I'm the ass. I say "he's a liar", I'm the ass. I back off and don't say anything, I'm the ass.
One of the most important lessons (among many lessons) I have learned in dealing with other people and my addicted son is that it's really none of my business what anyone else thinks of me. If I'm taking care of myself and protecting my personal boundaries, it's ok for them to think anything they want to. I don't mean this in a narcissitc manner. I mean this is a "being gentle and loving with myself" kind of manner.
I hope your Mom does come here to SR and takes a little tour. There are many of us Moms here who understand the love she has for her sons. The worry. The fear. There is great comfort in knowing that others are carrying the burden of loving an addicted adult child but who are able to live their lives and find joy and serenity.
gentle hugs
ke